pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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