shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
