I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
