There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
