I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
