I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
