how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
