You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
