You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I had to cum in my sink.
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