Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
