Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my liver is dry heaving
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
