ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
