I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
