Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
