dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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