I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
ttyl tear gas
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
