I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
