I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
