I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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