It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
