We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The Olympian is in my bed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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