I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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