you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I came so hard my ears popped.
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