i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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