fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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