Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
