you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
