fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
