you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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