You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
