Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
