in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
