I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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