i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
