We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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