i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
