I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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