Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
