I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
