My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
