it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Two words: blizzard sex
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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