Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
