Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
