The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
