why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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