You just made me feel so damn special
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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