i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Randomize
