walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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