So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
