apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
